Keepsakes

I simply don't have the time to do justice in writing to the countless great moments Daniil and I have had during our first full week together. Would that I could expand and expound and let my mind roam and freely associate, as I love to do. Instead, I've been jotting down notes when I think of it in a little notebook with kittens on the cover that I bought for Daniil in Russia. I keep it open at the end of my kitchen counter for this single purpose: to not let all of these discrete and dear moments get lost in the fast blur of all that's being demanded of me right now as a single mom.

Here are some snapshots, short notations that hopefully later on will help me recall the richness of these first days with Daniil.

~ Soon after we got home, Daniil discovered a little American flag I'd bought at Job Lot around the 4th of July. He marched in circles around his room, waving our flag and singing God knows what in Russian. So appropriate: my Russian-American son.

~ "Let's go, Mama!" I taught Daniil to say this from his little car seat behind me before I start the car. Sometimes I prompt him: "What do you say?..." But after three days, he's saying this all on his own once I climb in front and close the door. My response: "Okay! Let's go Daniil!"

~ Speaking of car seats, 4 days after his Cape Cod arrival, Daniil called to me from the back seat: "Mama." "Yes, Daniil," I answered. "Mama," he said again. So I turned around to see if there was something I needed actually to see. And there was my boy, giving me googly eyes, raising his eyebrows up and down with a knowing little smile. I completely cracked up, the heartiest laugh I've had in ages. I turned around again to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. Nope. Once again, Danya mischievously raised and lowered his eyebrows, looking straight at me, like a man coming onto a woman from the end of a bar. Yes, indeed, I will fall for you, my son. Again and again you steal my heart.

I will add to this posting, drawing from my many jottings, as I can sequester the time. Right now it's midnight. The only hours I have for myself are after I put Daniil to bed. I bought a baby monitor--best investment yet--so I can go downstairs without panic in the pit of my stomach and do the dishes, feed the cats, clean up the detritus of a day with a three year old, and then, finally, open my computer and have a few minutes online in a world far, far away from mommyhood. Of course, I'll drop everything if I hear Danya wake and call for me. I guess that for the rest of my life I'll have one ear attuned to my boy... Life will never be the same. Blessed be.