New Judge

I've been assigned a new judge in the Murmansk court. Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows.... as the Buddha said. My adoption agency and I are hoping for a turn of good luck, of course, and a judge who doesn't ask for documents that are impossible to provide.

Lately it's like I've switched the channel and not been allowing myself to tune into Daniil at all. The ongoing disappointment has just been too much to bear and I'd rather check out than fall into full despair. I still say good morning to my boy and send him good wishes, but from one step removed. A heart can be on pins and needles for only so long before it starts to weep.

But with this news today about the new judge, my heart did a little leap. Perhaps, perhaps... this summer, perhaps...

Yellow PJs

It's starting to feel like just an idea, this adoption, something I simply talk about in response to everyone's question: "So is there any new news on the adoption?" Something I call up my adoption agency about every day and ask: "So is there any new news from Russia?" Something divorced from an actual little boy, right now I trust fast asleep in his little bed in a room with 14 other children, his little breath going in and out, in and out, wearing perhaps the pair of soft yellow pajamas that were folded on his bed when Mom and I visited the baby home back in February.

I want to reassuringly touch that little sleeping boy's hair and sweetly kiss him on the cheek and feel and smell the warmth of that cheek and smile into his pretty blue eyes when he wakes up. "Doe-bry-utra, solnyshko. Ya tebya lou-blue." (Good morning, little sushine. I love you.)

I'm tired of the waiting. I'm ready to make this real.

Petition to Adopt

I've submitted some 40 different documents to the Russian Federation, all required to be considered for adoption. One of the most important is the "Petition to Adopt" which outlines Daniil's family history and medical diagnoses. I was allowed to submit one short paragraph explaining my reasons for wanting to adopt Daniil. Here it is.

I personally met Daniil and want to adopt him because…

… in the words of the Director of the Apatity Baby Home: “This boy is open to life and open to love. He is ready to love and be loved.” What magnificent statements, and so true. I, too, am open to life, to love, and have long desired to be a parent. I am overjoyed by the prospect of building a family with Daniil. I look forward to loving and nurturing his unique personality, abilities, interests, needs, sense of humor, and spirit. I got a wonderful sense of Daniil while in Apatity. He is a beautiful, multi-dimensional 2.5 year old boy. I anticipate the joy of introducing him to the countless wonders of the world: to family and friends, to music and the arts, to oceans and mountains, to play and wonder, to literature, knowledge and education. I look forward to equipping Daniil with intellectual, social and physical tools to find a purposeful, meaningful way in the world, and to change the world for the better.